What is the difference between a dream, nightmare and reality?

My biggest fear is dying while my children are young. You hear about people that "knew" they were going to die young and well- they did. I worry that I'm one of those people. Am I meant to be on this earth till I'm super old like the lady from Titanic? I don't know. I feel like I am meant to do so much while I'm here, WAY more than what I'm doing now. I feel like I can somehow, someway fix the healthcare crisis in America amoung MANY other things. I feel like I am destined to be sooooo much more than I am. I feel like each day not doing what I was put on earth to do is a day wasted. BUT I don't have the answers on how to make my dreams come true, therefore, leading me to believe that I am really not destine to live a long and healthy life. It scared the shit out of me, leaving my kids behind.
I have come to terms with the fact that when God is ready for you, that's it- you're gone. Haven't you heard of those crazy stories of people dying in the most unbelievable ways like falling off a ladder while changing a light bulb OR a car that was in a high speed chase and flips over onto another car killing the people in the car that it landed on? Both of those stories I know to be true because I knew the people involved. Point is, I'm old enough to understand when it's your time, it simply is your time.
BUT, I worry so much that if I were to die today, my kids would not have ME as their mom and that is more than I can handle. Really. NOBODY can love and hug my kids the way that I do. I know without any shadow of any doubt that I was born to THEIR mom.
BUT I suffer from panic attacks and each and every time I have one, I think "This is it. I'm a goner. My kids are going to be motherless." I just have this feeling that I am going to die before THEY are ready for me to go. I wish that there was someway I could shake this feeling. I want to be hypnotized and make my mind "never go to that place again." Can you do that?
What brings on this topic you ask? Wednesday night I had this feeling and I can't be sure if I was dreaming or what, but I was lying on my couch and I guess fallen asleep, but I thought I had woke up and I couldn't move. Not an ounce, not one bit. I tried to call Autumn's name to tell her to call 911 because I couldn't move but I didn't even have the strength to say her name. I just remember thinking, "Autumn. Say Autumn loud enough for her to hear you." I tried to raise my arm and couldn't. I think kept thinking to myself, "MOVE JANELE! Just MOVE! or WAKE UP! You are probably dreaming Janelle. Wake. Up. Move." I remember the pillow my head was on felt like it was doing a wave like motion and I remember, "Janelle, this is just a panic attack, just roll with it." I tried all this in vain.

After what felt like forever, I was able to move my leg and that broke the "spell" I was able to move and talk like normal. Like I said, I haven't a clue if I was really dreaming or if I really couldn't move I just know that it scared the hell out of me. It's not the first time I have had that kinda feeling. I can be laying in bed and while in a dreamlike state, I feel paralyzed. I try to move and feel tingling all over. I haven’t a clue what the heck is going on, I just know each and every time I feel that feeling I always think the exact same thing, "This is it- I am dying. THIS is what it feels like to die." I, of course, am wrong because here I am typing away, alive and kickin'. But what is my body trying to tell me OR is it my mind playing tricks on me? What if my panic attacks aren't panic attacks at all and my body or mind is trying to tell me something- giving me a sign that my time is almost up on earth?
So, tell me dear readers, what do you think? Am I crazy? Do you think it's just dreams that are so real you can't tell the difference between reality and a dream? Or what the hell is this?

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