Traveling or something like that

My road home everyday - the interstate is right up ahead

My last few post have been very ... jolly. That is all just meant to detour you from the real underlying issues (and the start of many upcoming posts. I'm sure).

I feel like I'm at so many crossroads in my life... have you seen The Good Girl with Jennifer Aniston? There is this scene near the end of the movie where she is sitting in her car at a red light. If she turns one way, she will go in a certain direction and thinks about all that life will hold for her and if she decides to go the other way, she too thinks about what life will hold for her....

I guess I don't feel so much at a crossroad or crossroads but more just traveling down the same road and do I take the next exit or maybe the one after that one? ... Do I dare?

I like my life- for the most part. It's the same everyday and there is comfort in that. The good, bad and ugly... I know what to expect- for the most part. But... is there more? Is what I'm doing today what I could be doing 1, 2, 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years from now till I retire? Really. The overall picture won't change. Sure there will be major highs and really low lows, but the overall picture could stay the same. Really? This really could be it?? ...Really. Do I like that idea? Is that what I want? I don't really know to be honest with you.

I have all these thoughts...
"Oh! I want to go back to school and become!!! ..... become what?"
"I think we should move because we can't afford our house." Really? If we lived in a house that we could afford, it wouldn't be THIS house and would I be any happier? I lived in a house that we could afford and just dreamed of living in THIS house. Now that I'm here, can I really move backwards?
"I want to have another baby! Let's try for that boy." Why? A baby will only add to the stress that. is. my. life. and why do I want that next baby? For the few minutes after he (or she) is first born and all is completely precious with the universe? -- till he or she starts to cry.
"I want to uproot my family and move to Vegas and 'just see what happens'" Yeah, not ever gonna happen- but it's nice to dream.

Do I just drive down the same road day after day or do I get off at some random exit and see what life has to hold for me and my family? I want so much more out of life. I know, it's selfish. I already have so much that millions would kill for. I have a pretty good job that I like going to each morning. I have a husband that loves and adores me and lets me be- which is priceless. I have two beautiful girls that are healthy, smart and are destined to be bigger than anything they can dream up at their young ages. I have a nice home. AND a dog and a cat. Why isn't that enough? Why do I have this yearning to do so much more? Why do I feel like I'm missing out on something? And why on earth do I have these feelings and no dreams to chase? -- Does this post make me sound like a complete asshole? I apologize if it does.

These are the days I wish God would talk to me in my dreams and say, "Janelle, Do. This. And all will be perfect in your life. I promise."